Dublin, Ireland

Hello all!

I’m happy to say that my hips have not prevented me from enjoying Dublin! My family and I have been here for a day and a half. I’ve been using crutches to keep pressure off of my hips during the day so that I won’t have to worry about it at night when we go out. Tomorrow we head to Killarney, where we are staying for most of our trip. My cousin is getting married to a wonderful Irish lass and a large portion of our family are blessed to be here and share the day with them.

So far there has been plenty of shopping and drinking beer. Can’t wait to see what the rest of this adventure has in store! (I, personally, am waiting for the dancing to begin).

Will, of course, do an update when I get back to the states, until then will likely be on Instagram and Twitter.

Hope you’ve all had a lovely weekend!

xoxo Kathy

AVN Update

I filmed this video last night after I got home from my appointment with the AVN specialist/surgeon. Not the best news, but not the worst news.

I got fitted for my crutches today. Other than that I’m just super stressed with all of this going on and prepping for Ireland on Friday! There’s so much to do!

xoxo Kathy

Granny Hips and College Trips

Hey peeps,

Got my MRI results on Friday and they were not exactly what I wanted to hear. I have Avascular Necrosis (AVN) in both of my hips. Not one, both. Only one of them is currently hurting due to inflammation/swelling of the joint. The cause of this, you might ask? Just another lovely perk of chemotherapy. Thank you steroids!

I’ve been pretty bummed out all weekend but am finally starting to feel back to my normal happy self. Sometimes you just have to ride out the negative feelings! I’m sad that I can’t run right now, but hopeful that I will be able to in the future. I will keep everyone updated as I continue to learn more about AVN and how severe my case is (seeing the specialist tomorrow!). In other news, I got in to my first choice college! I actually found out as I was on the way home from the doctor after finding out about my AVN. My mom and I both started hysterically laughing and crying at the same time. Crazy how life throws these curve balls at us! The video below is a little bit more of a detailed explanation of Avascular Necrosis and my feelings (hopefully tomorrow I won’t be so dead).

Thanks for reading/watching/existing,

xoxo Kathy

I Am Not A Hypocrite! (TFIOS Pre-Review)

Phew! I am beat. My counts are pretty high right now so my doctors have been increasing my chemo doses the last few weeks and I’m really starting to feel it. Either that or I’m feeling tired because I haven’t been able to exercise because of my hip issues/surgery incision. Fortunately, I got my MRI today and will hopefully know tomorrow what the deal is with the bum hip! Praying that it will not effect my running. I’m also feeling a little weird because I’m hoping my counts have dropped enough that they will lower my chemo again. Who wants their counts to be low? Just me.. okay. bye.

So I’ve decided to start reading The Fault In Our Stars by John Greene. In case you haven’t heard, seems like a fictional novel about a cancer patient/teen romance type deal. I’ve been skeptical about reading it because I know that it’s about a cancer patient. I don’t really know anything else about it except that it is being made into a movie. Both of these things make me feel a little bit uncomfortable about it. I first heard about the book while I was deep in chemo and knew that I didn’t want to read it then. I was too emotionally fragile to read about anyone else’s cancer, especially if it was fictional, while I was dealing with the real thing.

The truth of it is that nothing you see on television or hear from other people is going to define your experience with cancer. It is absolutely unique in every aspect for each and every person effected. That’s the truth, and that’s what matters. With that said, it’s hard to keep that in mind when you’re actually going through it. I was constantly comparing myself to other people who had cancer. This person lived, this person died, this person was horribly nauseous, this person had a horrible reaction to that chemo, blah blah blah. Eventually, I would remind myself that these people are not me, they don’t have my cancer, they don’t have my markers, they don’t have my doctors, they don’t have the same body, they are different. We all are. That said, they only way I was really able to solve that problem for myself (during chemo) was to avoid at all costs any stories of other people with cancer. Thus ruling out reading/watching/participating in TFIOS.

When I found out that they were making a movie about it, I became even more suspicious. As most people who have experienced cancer/chemo/radiation know, Hollywood loves to dramatize the experience. That’s great for Hollywood, but not great for people who get diagnosed with cancer and know nothing but what they see on TV, which seems miserable and awful  (i.e. me). Literally, the first thing my nurses said to me at the hospital when I was expressing my concerns was that I should throw anything I’ve seen on TV out the window. This worries me. I cannot support anything that will get so much publicity and touch so many people if it is a misrepresentation. There are already so many misconceptions about cancer/chemo, the world doesn’t need anymore false information. I don’t want anyone else to be as unprepared as I was for a cancer diagnosis.

With all of that said, I’ve been thinking about it a lot and both of those reasons for not reading the book are flawed. First of all, I can’t literally judge a book by its cover. I honestly don’t know anything about the story. All of what I just said is complete speculation on my part and I’m not down for that. Also, I just argued that everyone’s cancer experience is different, therefore, who am I to judge whether or not the characters/plot of this book are accurate or not? How will I ever know if John Green is dealing out “misinterpretations of cancer” if I don’t read the book? Therefore, I must read the book. At least then I will know the truth of it, either way.

Please comment if you’d like to share your perspective, but don’t spoil anything!

Stay tuned for my new review after I read The Fault In Our Stars! Hopefully will have it done by the time I get back from Ireland.

Thanks for reading!

xoxo Kathy

Post Port Removal Portlessness

***Warning, the second image is of the procedure site, therefore a little bloody***hospitalgownswagger

One year and one week later and I am now port free! The surgery went well and after a day of recovery spent sleeping off anesthesia and pain medication, I am feeling like my normal self again. The pain was much less than getting the port put in, in fact today I see no need for meds and only feel a bit of discomfort around the area.

If you watched the video I posted the other day (click here), then you know that I was feeling a little apprehensive about the whole procedure. There were two reasons for this, one being that I did not have the best team of doctors/nurses when I got the port put in, and the other being more based on superstition.

Fortunately for this procedure I had an amazing medical support team. Everyone was so kind and comforting. If I’ve learned anything through this experience, its that you have to trust your medical team. Having faith in the people who are taking care of you just makes the whole experience more tolerable. Sometimes the only thing that gets you through the pokes, prods and constant hospital visits is knowing that your going to get to see your favorite nurse/doctor, etc. Most of my nerves subsided after I met the anesthesiologists and nurses who would be with me during the surgery.

stabwound

They were definitely nothing like the surgery team I’d had the previous year who seemed grumpy and upset with me, the patient, throughout the whole process. I specifically remember feeling anxious when I entered the OR, anxiety which only increased as I could hear my heart rate steadily increasing on the monitor. Instead of some kind words from the people around me, the anesthesiologist told me to “stop freaking out.” This was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep. Things were no better when I woke up several hours later to the same man berating me for gagging as they pulled the intubation tube out of my throat. These things might not have upset me so much had this not been my first procedure after being diagnosed with cancer a few days earlier.

Having had this happen, I am so thankful that the rest of my experiences, including my removal process, have been with some of the most amazing, kind and loving medical staff on the planet.

My other fears for getting my port removed where quite silly. I was beginning to tie my port and it’s placement in my chest to my remission status. Any apprehensions that I had for getting the port taken out which stemmed from these thoughts and fears was illogical, and I knew that. This is why I went ahead and removed the port. I knew that I couldn’t make this decision out of fear. My cancer will not come back because my port is gone. If it comes back it will be because that is what is meant to be. Keeping/removing my port will not change that.

All in all, I am glad that I did not feed these fears by cancelling the procedure. I feel the same without it as I did with it, happy and healthy!

Hope you all are having a lovely start to your week!

xoxo Kathy