Friday

I’m a little bit bummed out tonight. I’ve been working so hard to get back in shape and build up my stamina and I have been seeing so much progress. So many of the goals that I had set for myself to help me get my life back on track have been achieved and I’m so happy to say that. But since my last round of steroids and vincristine I’ve been having some pain in my right hip. That was about two weeks ago. I figured initially that it was just a symptom of the chemo, but all of my other symptoms have already run there course and the pain is getting worse. Ugh. Can’t a sista catch a break?

I don’t mean to be complaining, I know that I am truly blessed. I am happy and I will continue to be happy and live my life positively no matter what happens, but sometimes you just need to let the bad feelings out. It feels crappy that I have to go through more pain, and that I might have to stop running, and that I have to limp around. It makes me feel weak and limited, a feeling that I just worked very hard to escape from.

I have yet to speak to my doctors about this as I don’t have my next visit for another week, and I was holding onto hope that the sensation would subside. There’s always something scary about presenting the doctor with a new symptom, but there is usually a huge sense of relief after doing so. It is easy to be afraid of the unknown, but once you know what you are facing you can empower yourself to fight back. I’m afraid of what the doctor will say about my hip problem right now. Because when I think about telling her I imagine the worst possible scenarios. Sometimes I let this way of thinking get me down, I let the fear swallow me up for a while. But then I remind myself that there are some things in life that I cannot change, and I need to focus on the things that I can do. Like telling my doctor the problem and getting the facts. Or telling my fear to shove it because I will not give in.

As soon as I know what the problem really is, I can start working towards eliminating it. I just wish I didn’t have one in the first place. Oi! Thanks for reading my rant. I feel a little better now… but my hip doesn’t!

Xoxo Kathy