Announcement

Hi everyone!

I’ve got some news. Over the past few weeks I’ve realized some things. One, that I have been a terrible blogger (or maybe that I just am a terrible blogger) and two, that I don’t belong here (in LA) any more. So how am I going to fix these problems? Well, I’m going to kick myself in the pants and start blogging again, and I’m going to move.. again. That’s right, I’ll be back home in Seattle in a few short weeks. I must admit, it seems a little rash, but let me assure you that this is a decision that I did not make lightly.

When I first made the move back to LA I wrote this blog post. It was all about “completing the circle.” I’ve since realized that the circle will never be complete. In fact, there is no circle. There is just life and if you are lucky enough to keep living it than that is exactly what you need to do. That is what I need to do. Live my life as the person that I want to be, with the people I want to be around, in the place that I want live. And as much as I’ve tried to make that place be LA, it’s just not. I really, really thought that it was, I mean it definitely was the place for me at one point, but it’s not the place for me now. I’m a different person now, and as much as I want to be where my friends are, I know it’s not the right place for me to be right now. But I also know now that we don’t have to be in the same place to be friends. We are bonded, we love each other, and distance isn’t an obstacle in our friendship, like I used to fear that it would be.

I don’t regret coming back to LA. It was something that I had to do. It was my goal, my reason to keep going, to keep breathing while I was sick. I got through my most miserable days by keeping my focus on one goal, getting back to LA. I didn’t have a countdown to the end of chemo, I had a countdown to when I could move back to Los Angeles, to my friends, to my home. So how could I not go back? I couldn’t see past that goal until I accomplished it. It would have never occurred to me that everything I wanted was right in front of me if I hadn’t come back here. But now I know. So I’m going back. In all honesty, I didn’t give Seattle a fair shot. I did everything I could not to settle down there because I was so focused on returning to LA.

I’m so grateful for the three months that I will have had here. The chance to spend time with some of my favorite people, to show Val one of my favorite places. The chance to try it all again and to realize that things are different now, that I am different now. I am ready to go home now, I’m ready to start my life again.

Thank you all for your support, even through my silence. Expect to hear more from me soon.

xoxo Kathy

Photo on 11-13-14 at 8.46 PM #3

Full Circle

So here we are again.

Some of you may know that over this past week I’ve been in the process of moving from Seattle to Los Angeles. What a lot of you probably don’t know is why.

photo

This move is very important to me. It is very scary but it also feels vital, I have to do it. I was living in LA and had just graduated from FIDM (The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising) when I got diagnosed with cancer. Well, it was suspected that I had cancer so I went home immediately to get diagnosed but, you get the gist. I had been in LA for just about 15 months. I had suffered through those terrible first three where you miss your family, your home, everything normal. I had forged irreplaceable friendships and created my own home, my own community, my new normal. And then I was ripped out of “my life,” and shoved into a totally new one. Literally, I found out I “might” have cancer in the morning and by the evening I was on a plane home. My roommates had to pack up all of my belongings (some of which are still here, btw) and send them to WA.

Sure, I could have stayed in LA if I wanted to. If I wanted to suffer through it alone, burden my friends with the responsibility of taking care of me, of watching me lose myself over and over again. But I knew what was best and even though I didn’t necessarily want to I knew that I had to go back home. I don’t regret that decision, I needed to be with my family. But that didn’t make it any easier for me to leave my “new” family, it broke my heart.

I still remember when the doctor came in to diagnose me and I asked, “When can I go back?,” and he said, “It will be at least eight months.” So there it was. Eight months. My biggest fear was that during those eight months, my LA community would dwindle, my irreplaceable friends would forget about me and move on. They’d get caught up in the constant motion of LA and leave me in the dust. I mean, I’d only known them for a year or less-than, and I didn’t know if they valued my friendship as much as I valued theirs.

Truth be told, I don’t care that much about LA. Yeah I love the beach, I love the shopping, I love how modern and cool everything is. But I don’t feel like I can’t find just as many or just as spectacular things to love in Seattle or anywhere else for that matter. I care about my friends. I wasn’t sitting at home thinking I’ve got to beat this, I’ve got to survive cancer. I was thinking, I’ve got to do this, I’ve got to take this chemo so that I can get to the eighth month and go home, back to LA, back to my beautiful friends. As far as I’m concerned, the chemo fought the cancer, I fought the emotional repercussions and tried my best to enjoy my time in Washington with my family. But I did it all with a fire fueled by my determination to get back to Los Angeles.

Fortunately, they didn’t leave me in the dust. They were amazing and supportive and even made trek up to visit me in Seattle a few times while I was sick. But even though I was comforted to know that our relationships could thrive despite the distance, it didn’t alter the way that I felt about moving back to LA. I felt like it wasn’t fair, the way that I had to leave. I wanted to come back, even if its just for a while, so that I could have the opportunity to make the choice of my own accord.

After eight months, I still couldn’t go. I had to wait two more months to begin maintenance chemo, and then still another three months to get the doses of that stabilized. At that point it just seemed silly for me to move because my family was going to Hawaii and Ireland within a month of each other. And after that it would basically be June, which is important because at the end of July, my old roommates would have an opening for a roommate. So why would I put myself through all of the torture of finding my own place or new roommates, when I could just wait a few months, do some traveling, visit LA as often as possible and then move back in with my best friends? I wouldn’t, and I didn’t.

So here I am. Sixteen months later, sitting in my apartment which I share with two of my best friends (and Kim who is fast becoming a third) writing my first blog post of this new chapter in my life. Oh, and Val’s here too.

It feels a little scary to actually be here, but it feels right at the same time. I’ve officially completed the circle.

xoxo Kathy

Quick Update Video

Hi Everyone!

It would be awesome if you could all take a few minutes to watch this update video I did today. Just wanted to fill everyone in on what’s been going on. Also I would love to answer ANY questions anyone has about anything.

Hope you are all having a fantastic weekend! Go Hawks!

xoxo Katherine

What 2013 Gave Me

I never would have described myself as a glass-half-full sort of person before this year. Not because I was a negative, glass-half-empty sort of person before but because I have never experienced something so unique or scary or enlightening or profound as I have in 2013. Something happened to me that I had no control over at all. There was nothing I could do to stop it or change it. The only thing I could choose was how I was going to live with it. And LIVE WITH IT is EXACTLY what I did. I crashed head-on into a lemon tree this year, but I’ve figured out how to make some damn good lemonade.

Here is my 2013, the bad, the good and the really, really, really good.

  • I got a tattoo on my leg.

IMG_1299

 

  • I graduated from FIDM, and made some really bad ass shit.

IMG_1576

IMG_1122IMG_1446

  • I went to Disneyland with my sisters.
  • IMG_1955I got diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia and had to move back to Washington.

IMG_2102IMG_2231IMG_2126IMG_2221

  • I fell madly in love.

IMG_3577IMG_3363IMG_3485IMG_3259IMG_3339IMG_3173

  • I rocked a bald head.

IMG_2516

  • I got a new car.

IMG_2865

  • I experienced what it’s like to be trapped in your own body and have no control over your movements and actions or the ability to speak or function normally and had this tube shoved down my nose via leukoencephalopathy, fuck you very much methotrexate.

IMG_2936

  • I redecorated my bedroom and got a badass TV.

IMG_3364IMG_2727IMG_2728

  • I spoke at two cancer benefit events

IMG_2794

  • I bonded with my family

IMG_2530

  • I went to some dark places. (but I only threw up once)

IMG_3179IMG_2836 I turned 21IMG_36291544333_10201859397141280_805774888_n

  • I missed my best friends.

IMG_3025IMG_2707

  • I went to my first Seahawks game, sat in the Red Zone at met Russell Wilson!

IMG_3667IMG_3276

  • And I gained a new sense of community. I experienced the kindness and compassion of family, friends, acquaintances and strangers. I learned more than I ever could have expected.

Getting cancer is horrible, but getting through it is amazing. I don’t know if other people can see it the way that I do, but in the end, I gained so much more than I lost this year, and a lot of it wouldn’t have happened without Leukemia. Life happens, whether you want it to or not and sometimes you just have to roll with the punches, and enjoy what you can with the people you love. Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me, supported me, prayed for me, thought of me, donated blood, donated money, done anything for me or my family or cancer research. I may not have responded at times, but I have appreciated everything that has been done for me so greatly and I hope that everyone who has tried to support me knows that.

2013, I’m not sad to see you go, but you were good to me. Overall, you were good to me.

xoxo,

Kathy

 

 

 

Meet Val

One morning after spending quite a few lonely days at home staring blankly at the television, bonding with the refrigerator (thank you steroids), and feeling completely useless I decided to get a dog. What kind of dog? Who cares. Where are you going to get the dog? Who knows. When are you going to get it? As soon as possible, aka today. When I decide to do something, I’m going to get it done and it will be done perfectly and as quickly as possible, leukemia or not. Especially when I’ve been sitting around for a month doing nothing. So here I am at 5 am searching “puppy” on Ebay Classifieds. Flash forward to 5pm that evening, there is me and my new little puppy shopping at Petco for new puppy things like sparkly collars and pink mini kongs.

My puppy was nameless for about a week. During this time I began jokingly calling her Valhalla, shortened from the name Princess Valhalla Hawkwind, taken from the Showtime show The United States of Tara. I knew this was a bad idea, and that inevitably this would end up being her name, but I was in denial. And this is how I became the proud momma of a Cavachon puppy named Princess Valhalla Hawkwind or Val, for short. She is my affectionate, lazy, friendly, adorable, floppy, dopey, annoying, unbalanced, happy, sleepy, mellow, perfect, crybaby and support dog. And she loves her Momma.

xoxo Katherine