Announcement

Hi everyone!

I’ve got some news. Over the past few weeks I’ve realized some things. One, that I have been a terrible blogger (or maybe that I just am a terrible blogger) and two, that I don’t belong here (in LA) any more. So how am I going to fix these problems? Well, I’m going to kick myself in the pants and start blogging again, and I’m going to move.. again. That’s right, I’ll be back home in Seattle in a few short weeks. I must admit, it seems a little rash, but let me assure you that this is a decision that I did not make lightly.

When I first made the move back to LA I wrote this blog post. It was all about “completing the circle.” I’ve since realized that the circle will never be complete. In fact, there is no circle. There is just life and if you are lucky enough to keep living it than that is exactly what you need to do. That is what I need to do. Live my life as the person that I want to be, with the people I want to be around, in the place that I want live. And as much as I’ve tried to make that place be LA, it’s just not. I really, really thought that it was, I mean it definitely was the place for me at one point, but it’s not the place for me now. I’m a different person now, and as much as I want to be where my friends are, I know it’s not the right place for me to be right now. But I also know now that we don’t have to be in the same place to be friends. We are bonded, we love each other, and distance isn’t an obstacle in our friendship, like I used to fear that it would be.

I don’t regret coming back to LA. It was something that I had to do. It was my goal, my reason to keep going, to keep breathing while I was sick. I got through my most miserable days by keeping my focus on one goal, getting back to LA. I didn’t have a countdown to the end of chemo, I had a countdown to when I could move back to Los Angeles, to my friends, to my home. So how could I not go back? I couldn’t see past that goal until I accomplished it. It would have never occurred to me that everything I wanted was right in front of me if I hadn’t come back here. But now I know. So I’m going back. In all honesty, I didn’t give Seattle a fair shot. I did everything I could not to settle down there because I was so focused on returning to LA.

I’m so grateful for the three months that I will have had here. The chance to spend time with some of my favorite people, to show Val one of my favorite places. The chance to try it all again and to realize that things are different now, that I am different now. I am ready to go home now, I’m ready to start my life again.

Thank you all for your support, even through my silence. Expect to hear more from me soon.

xoxo Kathy

Photo on 11-13-14 at 8.46 PM #3

My thoughts: The Fault in Our Stars Book

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It’s been a few weeks and I’m happy to say that I have finished reading and processing the book The Fault in Our Stars (TFIOS) by John Green. I mentioned a few posts ago that I would be reading and reviewing the book from a cancer patients perspective. Check out my apprehensions and assumptions before reading the novel here.

Taking the time to read my aforementioned post, you would know that I was especially nervous to begin reading the book. Taking the few extra moments to read the acknowledgement pages was greatly comforting, thanks to the author’s note, which reiterated that the story was a work of fiction to all readers. Feeling empowered by this notice, as if John Green was on my side, I began the first chapter. It took me a few days to finish the book, and for someone who has all the time in the world, that’s kind of a lot. I wouldn’t call it a page turner and I personally I found the story line to be too predictable. But hey, that’s not what I’m here for. I’m here to see that cancer, and people living with cancer are represented properly to a population largely made up of people with little knowledge of the disease.

Upon completion of the novel I can say that overall I was pleasantly surprised by the portrayal of a life lived with cancer. Not medically, as John Green gracefully discredits the scientific accuracy in the final pages of acknowledgements, but mentally and emotionally. I believe that cancer, for the patient, is a mental battle, more than it is physical. That is where we all overlap in some way. So that is what I was focusing on as I read this novel, looking for any way to overlap with Hazel, the narrator and main character.  It wasn’t hard, like I expected it to be. I even found myself highlighting different excerpts and thinking things like, “that’s exactly how it feels.” Even some of the sarcastic terms used like, “cancer perks” and “cancer side effects,” remind me of similar sayings used in my own day-to-day. I am happy to say that my assumptions about TFIOS, the book, were wrong. Cancer life was not misrepresented to millions of superfans all around the world. Way to go John Green!

Now, some people have spoken to me about the novel and how it “romanticizes” cancer. Well, it does. I personally don’t fault the book for that. It wouldn’t be as successful if it wasn’t a love story. And as a person who has suffered through cancer and lives with obvious differences (like Hazel’s oxygen) I would like to think that someday I can meet someone who has had similar experiences to me and can understand why I walk with a limp, or a cane, or crutches and love me anyway. They won’t think it’s creepy how often I think about death or how I’ll probably have fake hips by age 22 or that I know what it’s like to want to die. Because they will have experienced it too. But those are my own problems.

Overall, as a cancer patient looking to see that the story was an accurate representation of the struggle, I’d say that it was. In terms of reading for pleasure, I was not particularly enamored by the romantic love story between two suffering teenagers.

Gonna see the movie this week and I’ll put up a post of my thoughts on that soon!

xoxo Kathy

Thursday

I know, I know. I didn’t post anything for Wednesday, but I had an awesome day so I don’t regret it! And I’m not going to let a small lapse keep me from continuing on in my quest to become an avid blogger, so here is a quick video of me blabbing about my upcoming port removal surgery. Hope you enjoy it! Off to the gym for me!

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